Technology & the Family

Impossible to escape

Technology is ever present and ever changing.  You're experiencing that right now as you read this blog!

But how often do we pause and think about how we're experiencing technology and the effects that it has on ourselves?  How can we learn to embrace the positives of technological innovation while pushing back against the negatives?

Leading the charge to answer this question in the secular world is MIT professor Sherry Turkle, author of the book Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other.  She gave an interview on the book and this topic with a couple insightful takeaways on parenting in the age of the Internet.  [transcript of interview available here]

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Teach and Practice Solitude

One of the big draws of technology, specifically rapid communication technology, is the feeling of being connected to others.  Within a matter of seconds I can communicate with people around the world and they can communicate back with me.  This is a very powerful feeling, a very positive feeling, and one that leaves us wanting more.

A drawback of always being connected is not knowing how to be alone.  Being alone is a natural part of being human.  We're not normally always with someone.  If you've ever ducked into a mall restroom to hear someone texting or talking on the phone in the stall next to you, you know firsthand that our technology is inches us towards a norm of always being with someone.  A quote from the interview:

"If you don’t teach your children how to be alone, they’ll only always know how to be lonely."

Solitude is a good thing

To combat this, Professor Turkle recommends moments of disconnection, led by the parents.  Purposefully leave your cell phone at home when you go grocery shopping.  Have the computer and TV turned off when the kids come home.  Take a walk with the kids and leave behind the music.

To infuse faith into the discussion, take a few moments before jumping in the car on the way to school (or work, or vacation) to pause and pray, thanking God for the day and bringing your concerns to the Lord.  Or before the kids climb into bed, think of a rose (what you're thankful for from the day), a thorn (what concerned you), and a bud (what you look forward to tomorrow) and bring these to God in prayer.

Create a Sacred Space
The most surprising part of the interview is when Professor Turkle mentioned the need to create sacred space in our families that are free from technology -- surprising because sacred is very much a church word.  She's not advocating for a life totally devoid of technology, but, again, carving out pockets of space where families can come together as families without updating their Facebook.

A common sacred space

For parents, she suggests three moments to disengage from the cell phone/laptop/TV:

1. Dinner: This is a moment where families come together and just be families, exchanging stories of the day, pass on the tradition of the family (think: "uphill, both way" stories from parents/grandparents), and make each other laugh.  Even if it's not possible for all family members to gather every day, whoever eats together should strive to make this a sacred space.
2. School Pickup: When your children are trying to meet your eye, be available for them.  Welcome a child back into your presence is a moment of grace (think of the prodigal son).  Be available to them as they seek you.
3. On the playground: To quote Professor Turkle: "[It's] very bad when your child's on the jungle gym and is desperately trying to have you look at them, for them to be taking hands off the jungle gym to try to get your attention — accident time. I mean, be in the park. Be in the park with them. Spend less time there, but make it a space. Make it a moment. These are important moments."

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Creating boundaries for technology help us better live with technology and each other.  What sort of boundaries do you have in your family?  What works?  What doesn't work?  Share your thoughts with a comment.

Image Credits: Stephen Hackett  |  Andy Roberts  |  camknows